


Choice

by ToxicTraitor



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! VRAINS
Genre: Angst, Other, Pregnancy, Trans Male Character, Trans! Takeru, Trans! Yusaku
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:53:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24947953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToxicTraitor/pseuds/ToxicTraitor
Summary: Ryoken is shocked when his ex, Yusaku asks for his help getting pregnant since both he and his husband, Takeru are trans and cannot have a baby of their own.  Yusaku asks for Ryoken to simply sleep with him to get him pregnant versus having to go through the mess of dealing with a clinic.  Ryoken agrees, despite how much the request hurts him.
Relationships: Fujiki Yuusaku/Homura Takeru, Fujiki Yuusaku/Revolver | Kougami Ryouken
Kudos: 10





	Choice

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, a lot of things need to be addressed here. 
> 
> 1\. This is a vent fic. I'm really not in a good place and this fic is entirely a result of that (and that xfiles, lbr).  
> 2\. Because this is a vent fic, and because I've been suffering mentally, this is completely unedited and written with very little care.  
> 3\. This fic involves a trans/nb man trying to get pregnant so if that bothers you, don't read. Abortion is also mentioned so again, don't read if that bothers you. Smoking is mention here, don't read if it bothers you. I'm trying to warn you here.  
> 4\. Again, this is a vent fic. It's bad, it's painful. I hurt Ryoken a lot in this fic. I'm hurting a lot so I tortured him. No, don't ask me how I am, don't ask me to talk about it. I'm not getting into it. Does this fic reflect some of my pain? Yes and no. Don't speculate, please.  
> 5\. This fic really has no end. That's up to you. 
> 
> Okay, so enjoy? I said on my twitter that I would take a break from writing and I intend to but I wrote this vent fic and I decided to share it because why not?

Ryoken glares into his coffee, wishing he had never agreed to come here today. If he had known of Yusaku's request ahead of time, he would have ignored the invitation out to lunch. It was foolish of him to expect anything more from Yusaku but he certainly could have never seen this coming.

"Please, Ryoken…" Yusaku begs. "I wouldn't have asked you if this weren't so important to me."

Ryoken grinds his teeth as he tries to think of a way to answer that isn't rude or hurtful.

A baby? Really? Yusaku came here to ask him for a baby?

Adoption is an option but Yusaku had shaken his head at the idea. No, Yusaku simply wanted a donor so he had come to Ryoken to ask for one. Ryoken doesn't know why Yusaku doesn't just find a stranger like most people do. Why does it have to be him? They've been broken up for three years, Yusaku is married now to another man.

Ryoken doesn't have the heart to say no. He still loves Yusaku. The idea of hurting him or disappointing him is enough to crush Ryoken's soul. Even something like this, a request this massive, is something that Ryoken had trouble denying.

"Alright." Ryoken finally agrees. "Text me the name of the clinic you need me to go to. I'll try to find some time next week to do whatever they need me to do."

Yusaku is quiet, suddenly. It's an eerie sort of quiet, the sort that makes your stomach turn inside out. Even Takeru has gone silent, he turns to look away like he wishes he had stayed at home. It feels like the whole restaurant has fallen silent with them, as if they too have sensed the sudden tension.

"Ryoken…" Yusaku starts again. He reaches his hand out to touch Ryoken’s but pulls back, thinking better of it. "I thought it would be easier to just… bypass the whole procedure."

Ryoken rubs at one of his temples. His head is throbbing.

"Takeru and I discussed it and we think it would be easier if you and I had sex instead." Yusaku finishes.

Ryoken chuckles dryly. He's in disbelief. This feels like a terrible joke, a mean spirited prank. No one laughs with him, Takeru and Yusaku simply stare at him as they wait for an answer.

"Are you serious?" Ryoken asks. "You want me to sleep with you? If money is the issue, then let me give you some. You wouldn't have to pay me back."

Yusaku shakes his head. "Ryoken… I'd rather not… I'm already dreading the pregnancy, I don't want something else on top of that. It would make everything so much easier."

Ryoken laughs again, still caught in disbelief. This is the most messed up wet dream that he’s ever had, that has to be it. This is some weird plot made up by his brain to mess with his emotions even further than it already does on its normal day to day basis.

“You don’t have to laugh.” Yusaku snaps, irritated. “You can just say no.” 

“What do you want me to do? You’ve literally asked me to sleep with you in front of your husband so I can knock you up.” Ryoken laughs again. 

“Please, Ryoken.” Yusaku begs again. “It’s just a one time thing. After I get pregnant then that’s it and you don’t have to think about it anymore.”

Ryoken starts to sober up a little. He chokes off his laughter before it transforms into tears. It’s a painful request. He can’t refuse Yusaku, no matter how hard he tries. All he wants is to make Yusaku happy, even at the cost of his own happiness. 

“If… If that’s what you want, Yusaku…” Ryoken answers quietly.

Yusaku breaks into a small smile. “Really?”

Ryoken nods, avoiding eye contact with Yusaku and his husband. 

Yusaku breathes out a sigh of relief. “I’m so glad, Ryoken.”

Ryoken smiles through his pain and manages to excuse himself, tossing enough money on the table to pay for everyone’s meal before he goes. No matter what he does, he can’t take Yusaku’s request off of his mind. It follows him insistently, mocking him constantly to the point where he can’t sleep or eat. 

They set up a date. The plan is for Ryoken to drop by Yusaku’s home, they’ll have sex and Ryoken will leave. Yusaku had offered Ryoken dinner but Ryoken made up an excuse to drop by later so he won’t have to sit through another awkward conversation with his ex and his ex’s husband. If he can completely avoid Takeru, Ryoken would be happy enough to do so but luck is never on his side.

When Ryoken knocks on their front door, Takeru is the one to answer. 

“Oh, hey!” Takeru says as he opens the door. “Yusaku is still getting ready.”

Ryoken frowns. “I see.” He sighs, stepping into their home. It’s so small and cozy, it’s so vastly different from Ryoken’s sterile apartment. 

“I was watching the game.” Takeru says, waving Ryoken over to sit on the couch and watch TV.

“Game?” Ryoken echos. 

“Yeah, Duel Monsters.” Takeru explains, plopping down on the couch. “It’s the pre-finals.”

Ryoken takes a seat on the small armchair beside the couch. He feels so uncomfortable sitting here, moments away from sleeping with Takeru’s husband, watching a game as if they were supposed to be friends. The truth is that they’ve never been friends, they’ve always gotten along but neither of them took the steps towards friendship with each other so it was something that never blossomed between them.

“Why are you so okay with this?” Ryoken has to ask. Part of him is hoping he can still find a way out of this.

“Me?” Takeru asks. “I don’t know, I just think it’s kind of cool. It’s not wrestling but--”

“I mean about  _ me _ .” Ryoken sighs. “Why are you so okay with letting me sleep with your partner?”

“Oh, umm… It’s what Yusaku suggested.” Takeru shrugs. “You two used to date so it makes sense, right?”

“You’re not jealous or concerned at all?” Ryoken presses.

Takeru shakes his head. “Why would I be?”

Ryoken wants to argue but he’s cut off when Yusaku walks into the room. “Oh, good. You’re here. I thought you would be later than this.”

“I didn’t want to bother you in the shower.” Takeru apologizes. “I was about to tell you that he’s here.”

“That’s alright.” Yusaku smiles. He leans down to give Takeru a quick kiss. “Are you ready, Ryoken?”

Ryoken knows this is his last chance to get up and walk away. He knows that but he doesn’t run when he should. Instead, he lets Yusaku lead him into the bedroom so they can start.

It feels awkward to start. It’s so reminiscent of the days when they dated. They dated for over five years before they called it quits. Then a year later, Yusaku married Takeru. Ryoken hasn’t dated anyone else, he hasn’t even slept with anyone else. He’s been out of practise for three years, he’s not sure how to start or what to do anymore.

He loosens his tie and unbuttons his shirt while Yusaku takes a seat on the bed. Ryoken struggles, his fingers slipping and fumbling over his buttons as his frustration grows. Yusaku sighs, his impatience growing. He stands up again and makes his way to Ryoken so he can undo Ryoken’s buttons.

“Ready?” Yusaku asks, unzipping Ryoken’s pants for him too.

Ryoken nods. He’s as ready as he’ll ever be. Yusaku gives him a small smile and slips back onto the bed. He removes his robe, revealing sheer and lacy lingerie beneath it. He lays back into the pillows and waits quietly.

“Why the lingerie?” Ryoken questions, hesitating to remove his pants. 

“For the same reason they give you dirty magazines when you donate sperm.” Yusaku answers. “How can we have sex unless you’re aroused?” 

“Usually there’s foreplay.”

“Foreplay is fine too.” Yusaku answers. He points to his bedside table at a bottle of lube. “You’ll be needing that too.”

Ryoken sighs and pulls his pants down, kicking them off his ankles. “Let’s just get this over with then.”

It’s definitely a strange feeling to be together like this again. He’s known Yusaku for years and loved him for most of those years. Since they broke up, Ryoken feels like they’ve become strangers. Emotionally, he feels so lost and broken inside but physically, his body remembers what it feels like to be touched.

The foreplay is one sided, it’s like playing with a doll. He kisses Yusaku’s lips, holds Yusaku’s soft breasts in his hands, and squeezes Yusaku’s thighs. He does whatever he wants but Yusaku lays there so still and quiet. It’s maddening. He used to be so loud when they were together and now Ryoken can’t even make Yusaku gasp.

It hurts Ryoken pride and his ego. It makes him angry. It feels like harsh rejection. This whole thing had been Yusaku’s idea in the first place, it wasn’t Ryoken’s. It even feels embarrassing to have to use lube when that’s never been a concern for them before.

The sex takes longer than Ryoken wants it to. It takes him too long to get hard and too long for him to push himself into Yusaku. Yusaku doesn’t even react then, he simply stays silent. Ryoken feels like he’d get more emotion from a pillow.

However, he knows Yusaku. He still remembers the exact angle, the exact speed, the exact way he used to to make Yusaku cry out his name. All it takes is some time before Ryoken has Yusaku sweating and biting back moans. He wants Yusaku to say his name so badly, it’s all he desires at this moment, he just wants Yusaku to cry out his name. 

He takes a few more pushes before he breaks Yusaku. Yusaku cries out Ryoken’s name softly, choking on it so Takeru won’t hear him. The sound itself brings Ryoken enough pleasure to come.

To say that he feels ashamed and scummy afterwards is an understatement. Yusaku rolls after and falls asleep not long after Ryoken has gotten up to get dressed. He feels so awkward having to walk out of here and face Takeru now. He wants to avoid him but he’s waiting outside the door.

“How’d it go?” Takeru asks.

Ryoken shrugs. “Yusaku fell asleep but I… managed to finish.”

“Oh, good!” Takeru smiles. He looks genuinely excited. “I hope it all works out.”

“Do you mind if I smoke in your yard before I leave?” Ryoken asks. He’d rather have a drink but he needs to drive home before he has anything.

“Oh no, go ahead.” Takeru motions to the sliding doors that lead outside.

Ryoken sighs in relief before he makes his way outside. He quickly lights up a cigarette and takes a long drag from it. It clears his head instantly, warming him up inside and chasing away the chill that’s followed him since he and Yusaku had split. 

“I miss smoking.” Takeru says. He steps forward to stand next to Ryoken in the small yard. He’s wrapped up in the blanket from the couch. 

“You smoke?” Ryoken asks.

“I used to. Yusaku made me quit.”

“He made me quit too.” Ryoken mutters. He picked the habit up again last year.

“I guess that it didn’t work out.” Takeru sighs. “Thanks for this, man. I know it’s a weird thing to ask but Yusaku insisted on asking you.”

“Yusaku has other friends.”

“You’re the only one of them that’s still single.” Takeru answers.

Ryoken puffs his cigarette again before he stomps it out on the ground. He picks it up and places it in his pocket so it won’t be a nuance to Takeru.

“I’ll take my leave now.” Ryoken sighs. “I guess I’ll know soon enough if this worked out.”

“We’ll make sure you’re the first to know.” Takeru says, helping Ryoken to the front door.

Ryoken gives him a tight smile before he turns his back and leaves. He has trouble sleeping once he reaches home but at some point, he passes out long enough to wake up to a text message from Yusaku, asking him to come over again and try one more time for good measure. 

It makes Ryoken angry but he agrees. He feels disgusted by everything, like he’s being used. He doesn’t want to go over and sleep with Yusaku again. He doesn’t want a repeat of last night. However, he still doesn’t want to let Yusaku down so he ends up at Yusaku’s home again.

This time, he’s decided that if he’s going to sleep with Yusaku then he’ll make the most of it. Yusaku gave him permission to do whatever he wants if it will make him come so Ryoken has decided to do just that.

With Yusaku naked in front of him, Ryoken decides that he wants a taste of Yusaku again. When they were together, he used to love eating Yusaku out. It was such an easy way to make Yusaku squirm. If Yusaku insisted that Ryoken can do whatever he wants then he’ll do just that and eat Yusaku’s pretty cunt out.

It’s enough to make Yusaku infuriated. As soon as Ryoken’s tongue tastes Yusaku’s clit, Yusaku has pulled away and begins to scold him.

“What are you doing?” Yusaku demands.

“I’m doing what you told me to do. You told me that I can do whatever I want if it gets me hard and I’m following your orders.” Ryoken argues.

“That doesn’t mean you can do  _ that _ .”

“Be more specific then.”

Their argument is enough to summon Takeru into the room. Ryoken feels so embarrassed, standing here naked in front of the man that he blames for losing Yusaku. He starts to gather his clothes to leave, hurriedly rushing to get dressed.

“Ryoken…” Yusaku sighs. “Wait, don’t go yet.”

“Don’t you want me to leave?” Ryoken asks, angry.

“No, just... It was a mistake.” Yusaku assures. “We can continue.”

Ryoken eyes Takeru nervously. 

“Takeru can stay with us, right?” Yusaku asks. “Is that okay with you? It would make me feel better.”

“I guess…” Ryoken mumbles. 

He’s not sure how he can perform with Takeru watching them. It’s one thing to have sex with his husband but an entirely different thing to have said sex in front of him.

Ryoken has to watch them kiss and watch as Takeru puts his hands all over Yusaku. This feels like it’s become a threesome which makes Ryoken feel even more awkward. He can’t stand to listen to Yusaku cry out Takeru’s name. It’s so maddening to have to hear it while he’s the one inside of Yusaku. 

“I can’t do it.” Ryoken admits.

“What can I do?” Yusaku asks, breaking his attention away from Takeru for just a moment.

Ryoken knows what Yusaku can do but it will be painful, even more painful than this already is. “Tell me that I’m awful.”

“Oh.” Yusaku ponders for a moment. They’ve done it before so it’s not a foreign request, just a little shocking. 

“Just hurry up, I have a meeting tomorrow.” Ryoken sighs.

“You’re a bad boy, Ryoken.” Yusaku starts tame. He amps it up when Ryoken signals for more. “You’re still chasing your father’s tail but you’ll never reach him. You want to be good enough but you’ll never meet the standards you set for yourself.”

It’s hurtful to hear those words, especially from Yusaku but it does the trick. Ryoken can feel that he’s close, he’s so close but he needs a little more.

Yusaku whimpers a little, calling Takeru’s name again and that’s all it takes for Ryoken to come. He pulls out before he does, semen spilling out onto Yusaku’s chest. Yusaku’s jaw drops in shock as he realizes what Ryoken has done.

“Why would you do that?” Yusaku demands. “What’s wrong with you? You know you were supposed to do that inside of me.”

“I’ve changed my mind, Yusaku.” Ryoken snaps. He collects his clothes off the ground and doesn’t even bother to dress himself as he walks to the door. “I don’t want you to have my children. I don’t even want to see or hear from you again. Leave me alone.”

Yusaku doesn’t bother following Ryoken out the door nor does Takeru. Despite that, Ryoken feels the need to rush away like he’s being chased. He quickly hops into his car and drives away. He doesn’t even dress himself until he’s parked at home.

He feels so stupid, so used and so lonely. 

Yusaku tries to call him and text him but Ryoken ignores him. He doesn’t have the energy to put into Yusaku anymore. He doesn’t have any energy at all. He just wants everything to stop so he can be alone in peace.

Of course, fate never plays fair with him. It’s several weeks later when Ryoken returns home to find Yusaku at his doorstep. He sighs, brushing past Yusaku without a greeting or anything. He’s hoping Yusaku will just leave but Yusaku squirms his way through Ryoken’s front door before Ryoken can stop him.

“I asked you to leave me alone.” Ryoken sighs.

“I know.” Yusaku frowns. “I wanted to talk to you, I think it’s important that we do.”

“About what?” Ryoken asks. “About how you want  _ my child _ . So  _ you _ can have a happy little family? You know how much I wanted to have children with you and you always refused to until now. So, why now? Why do you want to have kids now?”

Yusaku swallows, uncomfortable by Ryoken’s call out. “I’ve grown a lot since we were together. I’ve decided that I want them now.”

Ryoken laughs dryly. “Do you have any idea how much it hurts me to have you ask me to give you my own child? You know how much I wanted children, how much I wanted to be a good father and you want to take that from me by having a child that will never see me as their father.”

“I… I know.”

“On top of all that, you ask me to have sex with you again. Why are you toying with me? Wasn’t it enough to ask me to be your best man at your wedding? Why do you want me to sleep with you while your husband listens in the other room? Why do you want me to sleep with you while he watches and touches you? Is that how you get your fix now?” Ryoken continues. He’s starting to cry. He feels so tired, so angry and hurt.

“I’m sorry, Ryoken. You’re the only one I wanted to ask because I… I still love you. I want you in my life and I thought that if I asked you for a baby that maybe you’d be happy to stay around and watch them grow up.”

“It wouldn’t be  _ my  _ baby. It would be  _ yours  _ and it would be  _ his _ .” Ryoken argues. 

“I know that now.” Yusaku sounds close to whimpering. “I came here because… I wanted to tell you that I’m pregnant. It worked.”

Ryoken groans. He wants to break something, anything. He needs a few good smashes at the plates in his kitchen once he gets Yusaku to leave.

“Congrats.” Ryoken says dryly. “Do me a favor and don’t mention me to your kid. I don’t want them to know how much of a failure I am.”

“Ryoken… I haven’t even told Takeru yet. I came here to tell you first because if you meant what you said the other night… I have the pregnancy terminated.”

Ryoken sighs, exasperated. “Why would you do that? Isn’t this what you wanted?”

“I didn’t think it would cost me this much. This baby isn’t worth hurting you.”

“I don’t want you to get an abortion because of me. That should be your choice.”

“I don’t know what I want.” Yusaku admits. He’s quiet for a long moment before he speaks again. “No, I know what I want. I want it all, Ryoken. I want Takeru… I want a baby… I want you…”

“You can’t have it all.”

“Takeru knows how much I still love you, Ryoken. He knows and he doesn’t care. He doesn’t mind sharing me, he doesn’t mind having you in our lives. He’s welcoming to it. He wants me to be happy and he knows that you make me happy.”

“And what about how I feel?”

“That’s what I want to ask you. How do you feel?”

It’s so tempting. To have Yusaku back… To have a child of his own to love in the way that his father failed him… He wants all of that, even if he has to share with Takeru.

“You and Takeru can be friends or more, Ryoken. I know you would like him if he sat down and talked.”

“I liked him the other night when we were chatting.” Ryoken admits, recalling what happened when he went out to have a smoke.

“See? You… We can be happy, can’t we?” Yusaku asks. “Don’t you want to try?”

Ryoken sighs and closes his eyes before he answers. “I--


End file.
